February, 01 2003

Ever wonder why God, supposedly in control of the universe, lets it run in such an arbitrary and unfair manner? Ever wonder how a loving God could let this planet get so far out of control? I certainly do.

And I think I have a small part of the answer.

As a parent, I often do things that seem arbitrary and unfair to my children. Sometimes my actions even come across to them as confusing, harsh and hurtful. Here are some examples:

• When Mitchell was three months old, he'd see me appearing and disappearing apparently at random. He had no idea of what I was up to when I was gone, and probably no concept that there was anything else for me to be doing! I was washing dirty nappies, sterilizing dirty bottles and going to work to earn money for his baby formula. Waking life held little else for my wife and I. But all Mitchell knew was this: he was happy to have me around, and distraught to be left alone. It was heart breaking to hear him cry for a cuddle when I had to be elsewhere.
• When Connor had his immunisations last year, he was terrified of the syringe needle. In the end my wife had to physically restrain him while the doctor gave the injection. He was scared for a little bit, but now he won't die of diptheria.
• When either of them fails to clean up after playing with his toys, I scold him. It would usually be easier for me to just pick up the mess myself, but I want him to learn respect for others and the habit of tidiness.

Its easy to see what's happening here. On the one hand, from the boys' of view, my wife and I did horrible things to them. On the other hand, my wife and I did these things because we love our children, and we did these things even though we didn't enjoy doing them.

But our children, with age-limited intelligence and experience, have no way to understand the specific circumstances around each piece of pain that we apparently put their way. Our children must trust that their parents love them and want the best for them, and (by and large) they do.

For me the parallels are this. God likens his relationship to us as a Father to a child. God's ways are mysterious to us. As children, we don't have the intelligence or experience to understand what God does or why he does it. He just asks that we trust that he is doing the best thing, even when it all seems to be out of contol, arbitrary and unfair.

And so I guess it comes down to faith. When I was little, I had faith in my parents. Now it's time to exercise the same faith in my heavenly Father.

Last weekend, I went to see Star Wars: The Magic of Myth tour, which arrived locally after touring the U.S for some time. There is 80 crates worth of really cool stuff on display.

We saw Darth Vader's original costume from episodes IV through VI. When you stand in front of the costume you realise just how tall Darth Vader must have been. (I looked it up later - the actor inside the costume was 6 foot 5in).

Later on in the exhibit I came across Anakin Skywalker's costume from episode II. I found myself thinking:

Gee, Anakin's costume is tall. I wonder if he was as tall as Darth Vader?

Duh.