September, 25 2003

If you can’t get a hug any other way, here’s something to try:

1. Get on an escalator.
2. At the end of the escalator, step off.
3. Turn around.
4. Shout “I LOVE you, man!”
5. Open your arms wide.

Your victim new friend will be delivered and ready to cuddle in no time flat.

Further suggestions:

• Up escalators may work better than down escalators, because people don’t tend to look beyond the end of an up escalator as much as they do a down escalator.
• Another good haunt may be the moving walkways at the airport, especially on weekday afternoons when people are tired and distracted.
• Don’t attempt this during busy periods until you have had some practice.
• Restrict yourself to a maximum of a five second hug. Any more may be uncomfortable for the other party.
• Be careful to stay out of view of security personnel, CCTV cameras, etc.
• Never, ever do this on the Wynyard Station or Penrith Plaza escalators. I will bop you on the nose and claim self protection. Anywhere else is fine.

Good luck!